When Addison was first born I felt guilty for how emotional I was. I thought since I didn't actually give birth and wasn't dealing with all the hormones and body changes that I shouldn't be emotional. Since then, I have realized that adopting a baby (especially when the birth family is people you know) is emotional all on it's own and in a different way.
I am so SO excited that we are done with the adoption and it did relieve a lot of stress and help my emotions. But now there's a whole bunch of other stuff that is coming up in life after adoption.
Honestly, when we were approached about adopting Addison I didn't think about the details following adoption. I thought about this baby, I thought about the fact that she needed a forever mommy and daddy...and the fact that Luke and I desperately wanted/needed a baby to love. We stayed focused on getting everything done before she was born, then we focused on loving and taking care of her while still dealing with the legal stuff. Now, we are still focused on her but I'm thinking about other things we need to figure out. The birth family. I have thought about the birth family a lot this whole process, but now I need to figure out how to go forward from here. Let me say, I LOVE the birth family and sincerely care about their feelings...which is what is making this hard for me. Addison will know who her birth family is, but I don't want to take away from our families..from her grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I want to stay close to her birth family, but they won't be referred to as grandparents, uncles, aunts...how do I balance it? How do I balance MY relationship with the family? How do I keep the relationship we've always had without letting any awkwardness creep in? How do I stop worrying if I'm doing a good enough job for Addison and for them...stop wondering if they are wishing they'd made a different decision? How do I keep our entire relationship from becoming about Addison? How do I talk about Addison, share her achievements, my love of being her mommy but still make sure to think about their feelings and the fact that it's probably going to be hard for them? These are the questions I often ask myself. I can't imagine how hard it was for them to say good bye to her (they will still see her, but it will be different than it was in the hospital). I don't want to do anything to make it harder for them...I just don't know what will make it harder.
Another thing. Addison's birth mom is pregnant. This doesn't necessarily concern me. BUT it concerns Addison and anything that concerns my girl concerns me. I love her birth mom and have for a long time; she is a strong, beautiful, amazing person and I honestly want what is best for her. I want her to be happy...if that means a family down the road, then I want her to have it...I just don't really want her to have it this soon after Addison. Maybe that is selfish or cruel of me? I just think of my sweet girl. Telling Addi she is adopted is something Luke and I have put a lot of thought into. We want her to know she is adopted from the beginning. We want her to know how much she was/is loved by her birth family. We want to emphasize that her birth mom gave her up because she loved her and NOT AT ALL because she was unwanted. The decision to choose adoption was a hard one and was done completely out of love; I really believe that. That being said, i worry that when Addison realizes that she has a biological sibling that is about 14 months younger than her it will hurt her. This baby is wanted by both its parents, it is planned for, it is being taken care of from conception....Addison didn't have any of that. I worry that it will be hard for Addi to see that her adoption was an act of love. I worry she will be hurt and feel unwanted. I never want her to feel that way. I just want Addison to always know how loved she is..by her birth mom, birth family, Luke, me, and all of our families.
And if Addison wants to have a relationship with her biological sibling, I will do everything I can to make it happen...even if it hurts me.
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